


All the AUs - a ficlet repository

by Niitza



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ficlets, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16852792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niitza/pseuds/Niitza
Summary: A series of ficlets and AU ideas that I'll never develop further and am now posting to AO3 for safekeeping. Beware of the fluff.Nature of the AU & pairing are detailed in the chapter titles.





	1. Destiel - Shapeshifter baby!AU

AU where Dean is on the road helping people, hunting things, and right now hunting that shapeshifter dick who’s killed three people already. Only when he finds it, and ganks it, he does so without noticing that the shapeshifter isn’t alone in its creepy lair. As in, when he scoops the place to make sure he’s finished here, Dean finds a baby.

What the fuck.

What the fuck, because after doing some research he knows for sure there’s no baby missing from any maternity nearby, and by then the baby has gone from cute, chubby and white to even cuter, still chubby, but black, so that answers that question. And well, Dean doesn’t kill it. _Can’t_ kill it. It’d be like killing _Bambi_ \- and besides, Dean’s a killer, not a murderer, he doesn’t go after things that haven’t done anything wrong, and he’s not 100% sure but he suspects the baby hasn’t hurt anyone yet. And if the sob stories he’s heard from, like, every shapeshifter he’s ever been confronted to (they’re kinda talkative, which is yet another clue as to said sob stories holding a grain of truth, they’re as talkative as the painfully lonely, slightly loony old ladies that keep talking to Dean on park benches, like he’s their long lost grandson), most of them go crazy and start slaughtering people because they’ve been treated like shit for so long.

But maybe they’re not inherently evil. Maybe there are shapeshifters that are well adjusted and not killing people, and the only reason hunters don’t know about them is because they live a normal, apple pie life, busy with barbecues and lying low and not murdering their neighbors, so there’s no reason for anyone to ever find out they can do makeovers like no other. Maybe if a baby shapeshifter is raised right, and loved, maybe it turns out okay. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a monster.

And that’s how Dean finds himself with a baby that he can’t very well let go into the system and that he won’t kill because it doesn’t deserve it.

Four days later he thinks he might be changing his mind about the last part, because it won’t. Stop. _Crying_. And okay, Dean might not need that much sleep, but he needs at least _some_ , especially when confronted to wailing siren that he can’t seem to turn off and that keeps changing appearances - and gender, while it’s at it. With the way it looks and sounds, Dean’s going to end up in jail for baby trafficking.

So he gets the hell out of dodge before the personnel at the motel calls the cops and hospital - and, wonder of wonders, as soon as the baby is settled on its (hastily bought and set up) seat in the Impala, rocked by the slight bumps of the road and the car’s rumble, it falls right asleep like Baby is the best, safest cradle in the world.

And, well, that’s kind of it. After that Dean feels like they’re bonded for life or something.

Which is how he finds himself the improvised daddy of a baby he calls The Kid for the longest time because it still keeps going from boy to girl to girl to boy to girl. A daddy in dire need of a manual about How To Raise A Shapeshifter - which doesn’t exist, even in Bobby’s extensive library, Dean knows, he checked. Four times.

In the end he settles for calling the kid Robin, because it’s an okay name for both boys and girls. And because he’s Batman.

And so starts a story, their story, and it’s not an entirely happy story, but not a really sad one either. It’s an okay story - like any other.

It’s a story about finding the balance between a life where monsters exist and sometimes have to be put down and a life where he’s another single dad with a kid to raise on his own with no idea about where to begin - a life that tries to look normal, that never gets there, but that still works, somehow.

It’s a story about Sam suddenly finding himself the weirded-out and yet unexpectedly happy uncle of a little girl (then boy, then boy, then girl) - and having to find a way to explain to his girlfriend why Robin looks different - “like, really different. Like, I thought you had a nephew, Sam” - every time they come visit without ending up in a mental institution.

It’s a story about Bobby being totally unimpressed and wary at first but melting faster than a snowman thrown into the Sahara and helping Dean gather as many facts as possible about shifters to try and make head or tails of Robin’s gift, of how to deal with it, of how to teach Robin how to control it. They find out so many things, like that it takes a lot of effort for a shifter to maintain a shape that is a lot younger or older than them (too much effort for a kid shifter to actually change into them); that it’s damn hard to renew the stock of samples so that Robin can keep the same “official” shape people get to know them in for as long as it’s necessary; but that with lots of training a shapeshifter can learn to change its appearance independently, without needing to copy someone else’s.

It’s a story about Robin plucking hairs everywhere they go to broaden their options, but no matter how suddenly or unexpectedly they change, Dean never needs more than a second to see right through it.

It’s a story about Robin never quite settling between boy or girl, going through periods of time where she’s more a she, and others where he’s more a he, about Dean learning to accept that and not let it break his brain and realizing that gender binarism is overrated anyways.

It’s a story about Dean and Robin stopping in Idaho once and Robin zeroing in on that Steve guy working at the Gas'n Sip right away, like she (it’s during one of her mostly-girl times) can feel that his appearance isn’t quite the real shape of his body or essence, just like her appearance isn’t quite her real shape, and for a second she and Dean nearly believe that they've finally found a shapeshifter living the apple pie life, someone that can help. They’ve been looking for so long for someone like that. But it turns out that the guy in question is nowhere near a shapeshifter and isn’t quite happy to see them stumble into his life. He’s an angel, believe it or not, who chose to live on Earth, which is kind of frowned upon in Heaven, and he tries to lay low. It’s easier now that his Grace has almost run out, but having a hunter with a shapeshifter kid around certainly won’t help. Everybody knows hunters are magnets for trouble (especially _this_ hunter). But he makes the mistake of telling them his real name, of hearing Robin then Dean repeat it, testing the syllables in their mouths, on their tongues, Cas-ti-el, Robin lisping slightly, and one should always beware of the power of names, because Castiel’s name sounds like it belongs on these two people’s lips, and just like that he knows that he belongs with them too.

So yeah. It’s not a perfect story - they’re all a little bit too odd, too damaged, for it to be so, but it only means that even if their pieces don’t quite fit in with normal people and society, they do fit and hold together, so “normal” people can go fuck themselves. They have each other, and it’s not easy, but they’re happy. And that’s enough.


	2. Destiel - The Truth About A Healthy Diet

After one close call too many Dean definitely has to stop drinking if he wants to avoid a cirrhosis – and he might as well go and change his eating habits while he’s at it, so he doesn’t land back in the hospital, this time because of a heart attack.

After clawing his way out of the huge pile of nutritional books and fitness DVDs Sam bought him, Dean confronts one of his deep-ingrained fears and ventures into the farmers' market. He learns the name of various leafy green things. He hunts for vegetable burgers and smoothie recipes on the internet. He goes to AA meetings. He drinks water and juice without added sugar and sometimes allows himself some coffee. He chews on cardboard rice wafers. He does meditation and yoga.

He cries a little on the inside.

And then one day he gets a dizzy head in the middle of the market because ‘two cereal bars eaten hours ago’ times 'his body mass’ plus 'too many people around’ equals 'not good’. He stumbles and almost crushes a pair of little kids as he goes down – but is rescued right on time by a pair of firm but careful hands that hold him up, lead him to the side, out of the fray, and make him sit on a chair. He is given a glass of what tastes like apple juice and a slice of what tastes like heaven on earth, squishy and sweet, sticky and tangy.

Eating that probably breaks 452 rules of the Health Plan but Dean does not care right now, because his vertigos dissolves, and his vision clears.

The first thing he sees is a pair of deep blue eyes that go well with the whole angel savior thing his… well, savior has going on.

The guy asks him if he’s feeling okay. He doesn’t let him get up at once and leave. He gives him another slice of gingerbread instead.

Dean might be a little bit in love.

-

Or: How Cas gripped Dean tight and raised him out of food perdition by showing the Way of the Good Diet, that is to say how to make and eat food that is both tasty and healthy (including bread, cheese and potatoes besides the leafy things).


	3. Destiel - Dean Smith/Punk Cas!AU

[Inspired by [a fanart of Punk!Cas](http://princessniitza.tumblr.com/post/112809830041/have-you-ever-drawn-punkcas-id-like-to-see-him) by [hellosaidthemoonisafangirl](http://hellosaidthemoons-archives.tumblr.com/)]

See, this guy. This guy? This guy is the bane of Dean Smith’s existence.

Because Dean Smith went to college to study. He went to college to work, to graduate with flying colors and start his professional life with a bang. Not to… to moon over some guy and—

And that’s another thing: since when is Dean attracted to guys?

Since when is Dean attracted to _weird_ guys?

Because it’s not even the blue eyes or the sharp cheekbones or the lean but solid body that do it for him, apparently. Dean would know, since this guy—Castiel Novak—has a twin—Jimmy—and said twin does not make Dean question his sexuality. At. All.

Seriously, how can blue hair and piercing and tattoos be attractive? Dean’s already met plenty of people, girls and guys, who had them and he never—

That’s it: he never.

So why now? Why _him_?

Dean hates everything.

(But Castiel Novak most of all.)


	4. Destiel - Crazy Cas!AU

[inspired by [this gifset of Misha being his Misha self in the season 8 gag reel](http://princessniitza.tumblr.com/post/60529786001/faintindestruction-crappyau1-so-deans-on)]

So Dean’s on the road in Illinois, hunting things, helping people while Sam is at Stanford and Dad is God knows where. And then there is this crazy guy with a beard walking along the road in the middle of nowhere. And at first Dean's like ‘whatever floats you boat, man’, but then he finds himself stopping anyway because it looks like it’s going to rain and it’s _the middle of nowhere_ , like it’ll take _days_ for the guy to reach the next town and he already looks dirty and famished enough as is. And Dean is serious about the 'helping people’ bit. And what the hell, the next town over isn’t _that_ far, it won’t kill him to bring the guy to the first motel he sees.

Only the guy’s kind of crazy, as shown by the way he enters the car (Dean almost kicks him out just for that) and grins and starts talking about bees and monkeys and such. And he just _won’t leave_ , even after Dean stops in front of a motel. So Dean finds himself saddled with a useless hippie who doesn’t know how to wash or shave or get down from his high apparently. Until one day he finds himself face to face with some nasty monster, and not only does Cas knows what it is, but he smites the hell out of it.

And it turns out he’s been on Earth looking for God for more than 20 years, ever since Azazel started playing nurse to human babies, because it sure looked like something fishy. Only he still hasn’t found God after all that time. And the being alone and cut off from Heaven so as not to get dragged back until he completed his search and not being really good at human interaction and meeting far too many demons thing has kind of been taking its toll.

But then Dean’s like, okay, you know what? You help me look for my Dad (because John just up and left), and when we do I’ll help you look for yours.

-

(Of course, they find John in record time, Azazel gets smite, and then Dean and Cas go on a roadtrip, helping people, hunting things, until they get invited to Sam’s graduation then wedding.)


	5. Destiel - SuperSam!AU

[Inspired by [this picture](http://exbloodjunkie.tumblr.com/post/56362821411)]

In which Sammy is Superman - and a primary school teacher during the day, saving the world between classes, lunch break and at night, mooning over his colleague Jess but never daring to actually ask her out because everytime he tries, he has to dash to save orphans, dogs and other fluffy things.

In which Cas is an investigative journalist (the best that ever was, thank you very much, if only because of his stubbornness, persistence and recklessness) who wants a scoop through 1) an exclusive interview of Superman and 2) finding out more about Superman’s origins and real identity.

Enters Dean, Sammy’s (adoptive) brother - like, he wished for a little brother and Sammy litterally _fell from the sky_ , was taken in and raised by the Winchesters. Dean was the one who found out about Sam’s powers and made sure that no one else did (apart from their parents) so that Sam could have as normal a childhood as possible. When Sam decides to move to Metropolis to build a life and play superhero, Dean follows him to watch over him: Sam saves the world, but Dean saves Sammy.

Dean gets a job at the Daily Planet because he has a big mouth and realized pretty fast that the best way to distract people was 1) to be a pain in the ass, 2) to focus their attention on stories that didn’t concern Sam in any way (that way he managed to make people not notice that Sam had put out a fire in a farm all by himself, by writing a provocative article about racism in the local newpaper of Smallville and no, it had nothing to do with his then girlfriend Cassie). Plus, it’s a way for him to discreetly keep track of the progress the police and FBI are making to discover the truth about Superman, all under the disguise of doing his job.

But he rapidly realizes that the biggest threat to Sammy’s secret identity aren’t the cops or the feds, but Cas and his stubborn intelligence. Cue to Dean ‘accidentally’ thwarting every single one of Cas’ attempts to make progress in his investigation. As a consequence, Cas hates him even more than he did at first, because he’s convinced that Dean is only trying to steal _his_ scoop on Superman and probably his spot as the Daily Planet’s top journalist, as well and his chance at getting an award while he’s at it and - what, UST? Not at all. I don’t even know what that is.

Bobby is the editor in chief.

Samandriel is the newbie photographer hoping for a breakthrough.

Balthazar is the newspaper’s slut.

Gabriel is Cas’ brother, trying to make him go out and meet people and get laid, without much success.

Crowley is Lex Luthor.


	6. Destiel - Gas'n'Sip Cas!AU

But seriously, where are all the AUs where ‘Steve’ is an assistant manager at that Gas'n Sip in some small town in Idaho, and Dean a serial road-tripper (photographing the roads of America like it’s his job - oh, wait, it _is_ ) who has several pit stops he includes in all of his tours (like Stanford to annoy his baby bro the night before an exam or Lawrence to visit his mom’s grave) - and who gradually finds himself making sure he always ends up on that very stretch of road at one point or another to stop for gas and junk food right here where Steve works - the guy who Dean knows by now is actually named Castiel, but who everyone (except Dean) calls by his middle name because it’s easier, and who always makes sure that there’s some pie left just in case Dean’ll drop by.

And sometimes… Sometimes Dean thinks that, you know, Idaho isn’t so bad. Wouldn’t be so bad, as a place to stay, you know, when his Baby needs some rest or something. Sometimes.

(He just really likes that ~~guy~~ pie, okay?)


	7. Destiel - In Which There Are Pirates

AU where (future) duke Castiel of Novak finds himself stranded on a deserted island after his dick uncle threw him overboard and disguised it as a "tragic accident" because he’s lusting after Cas’s inheritance, and a ship sees the smoke from his small camp fire and offers to take him on board. Only it’s not an honest merchant’s boat, but a pirate one.

Still, Cas agrees because it’s leave with them or die of thirst or hunger on that island.

And at first he’s all snubbish and passive-aggressive because even though he accepted their help they’re nothing but vile pirates and he knows how they are. Only after a couple of days at sea and an escale (because Cas’s behavior only makes the Captain want to take a lot of detours before they bring him back home just to piss him off) Cas starts to notice that these pirates aren’t like he pictured them - and the Second in Command is only too happy to tell him all about how things actually work.

And then they’re delayed even more by bad weather and getting pursued by the Royal Navy and laying low and fighting another pirate ship who thinks they’ve got a treasure on board to go with the noble they’d like to use for ransom. They’re at a disadvantage, what with the enemy ship being bigger than The Impala and with a larger crew, and it would be easier to surrender and deliver Castiel to them, but the Captain says _no way_ and the rest of the crew agrees, so they fight - and they win.

And after that Castiel realizes he can trust them all more than he can trust his own family (see: Zachariah), that they’re far more decent people than most of the ones who once called him their friend. And he realizes that since he’s been on the ship he hasn’t, not once, had that feeling of being trapped that plagued his days back when he was still his father’s heir.

And before he knows it, when they’re barely one day’s journey away from his town, he finds himself in Captain Winchester’s cabin. He asks him if there’s any place on The Impala for him, because, well, he doesn’t want to come back. The Captain gets it (he’ll forever be a man of the sea, he knows what it is to fall in love with her), but isn’t happy to have sailed all this way for nothing. Castiel replies that that’s no problem, they can go and plunder his manor if they want, on the condition that they won’t kill anyone (Zachariah doesn’t count).

And at that, the Captain _grins_ , all sharp teeth and glinting green eyes.

And that’s how Zachariah finds himself with nothing but a pile of burnt rubble without hidden treasury as a house and Captain Dean Winchester finds himself a second Second in Command to replace his brother (because Sam has never been in love with the sea, he’s in love with this girl Jess who’s waiting for him for them to start their home on land).

And they sailed happily ever after (and kept robbing dick nobles and killing evil pirates because, well. You have to live somehow).

Ze end.


	8. Destiel - Free Hugs!AU

AU in which Castiel (after his sister’s been diagnosed with HIV) discovers the Free Hugs movement and has a revelation about the comforting power of a hug. So he’s that guy, you know? That guy on the street with a board that very few people don’t actively try to avoid. And Dean, who made a detour on his way to work that day, sees him coming from a mile away and think _Oh Hell No_.

Only Castiel is 1) super stubborn and 2) gifted with the ability to recognize people who are in deep need of a hug even if they don’t know it at first glance. And Dean? Has 'Repressed Cuddler' written all over him.

So Dean gets a hug.

Which is awful. Because for all his good will, Castiel _sucks_ at hugging. Like, it’s all stiff and bony and just plain awkward and it ends before Dean can decide to throw the poor guy a bone and hug him back (which could only make things less horrible at this point, because really, it’s _that_ bad). But well, Castiel steps back, and looks up at Dean as if to check if he’s been successful and (woah, crazy blue eyes, the kind Dean could ~~drown right in~~ \- no, nope, nothing) Dean steps back, shuffling and huffing and clearing his throat and avoiding Castiel’s gaze and getting the hell out of here.

When he arrives at work he swears to himself he’ll never make a detour again, no matter what. It’s clearly far too risky. Only…

Only in the following days he can’t stop thinking about it - about that dude, about how earnest he was and how misguided because yeah, sure, hugs could be comforting (Dean knew from experience, even though he’d die rather than admit it: his brother Sam’s a master hugger and he might not hate getting a hug from him as much as he always pretends to). But that dude’s? That dude’s weren’t, plain and simple. For all his good intentions, all he was doing was making a lot of people uncomfortable, while all he wanted was to make them feel better.

And against his better judgement, and without even quite knowing how or why, Dean finds himself taking the same detour again on his next day off. And yep, the dude’s still here, and Dean stays carefully out of sight as he watches him hugging people whenever he manages to catch them.

And yeah, that’s exactly as awful as he thought it would be. Like, the people who were uncomfortable at first leave feeling even more uncomfortable, and the rare people who willingly go for a hug end up awkward, patting the dude’s shoulder with a smile pretending to be encouraging but actually closer to pitying. And Dean thinks, _That Will Not Do_.

Especially when the dude spends the following minutes not managing to give a hug to _anyone_ because people see him from afar and avoid him (seriously, half of them even change sides on the street, which is kind of a security hazard). So Dean puts his big boy’s pants on, steps away from the corner he was hiding behind and walks up straight to the dude. And he feels uncertain and ridiculous, until the guy catches sight of him and there’s hope and most of all recognition on his face. Dean finds himself grinning and sighing and opens his arms and tells the dude to give him his best shot.

And yep, the dude’s best shot is kind of terrible.

So Dean says, _Okay, no, you know what? That’s not how you do this. Here, let me show you_.

Cue to a Crash Course in Hugging, where Dean teaches the dude (who he learns is called Castiel) how to not be so stiff, how to relax into it, where to put his arms and how to adapt the hug to the corpulence of the person you’re hugging and so on, complete with practice workshop.

And well, as it turns out, Castiel is a very good student.

The final exam is a hug on a complete stranger, for which a slip of a girl with red hair and a Star Trek t-shirt volunteers. According to her, Cas passes with flying colors.

The next few people Cas hugs (while Dean lingers to the side like an idiot) seem to agree with her, and soon enough it’s obvious he doesn’t need any help anymore, so Dean bids him goodbye, his mission accomplished.

And if he comes back several times over the next few weeks, well. It’s only to make sure Castiel doesn’t forget his lessons (he doesn’t).

And then one day when he arrives Castiel has his Thoughtful Frown on and when Dean asks what’s up Cas says he thinks about moving. Because he’s been free-hugging on that sidewalk for quite a while, and he’s noticed nearly half the people he hugs now are people he recognizes (and yeah, maybe Dean has noticed the increasing amount of pretty girls and boys who greet Cas with growing familiarity as they go for a hug that, in Dean’s honest opinion, doesn’t need to be that long or that tight, like seriously, let the poor guy breathe, and actually just stop touching him and _no_ Dean’s not jealous). So he wants to go elsewhere to Spread the Love - and Dean would make fun of him for using that sentence, only Castiel is as serious as if he was talking about the Word of God, so. Dean doesn’t dare.

Besides, Cas's just announced that he was leaving, and in such a big city, what it comes down to is that Dean probably won’t ever see him again. And it’s okay, really. It’s not like they’re friends. It’s not like they’ve ever had a long conversation, or gotten a drink together. It’s not like Dean’s heart feels like it's just detached itself and rolled onto the ground where it’s being trampled on by the passer-by’s. Nope, not at all, so yeah. It’s okay. Really.

Only then Castiel adds that he’s been thinking about it for a while, but that he hadn’t dared, because he wanted to tell Dean first, he wanted Dean to know and not think he’d disappeared just like that. Because he wanted the chance to get Dean’s number, so that they could see each other even though Cas isn’t on Dean’s way to work anymore.

Dean almost breaks his phone he opens it so fast.

So they exchange numbers. They promise to call or text. They part with a hug.

Fortunately, Dean knows it’s not the last one.


	9. Destiel - Businessman Cas!AU

And now I’m imagining an AU in which Cas goes away on a long business trip and it’s the first one since he and Dean became a thing, you know? And Dean doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like people going away, especially not people as amazing as Cas, because he already feels like he’s missing him and what if Cas meets someone else while he’s away, what if Cas talks with his colleagues and among them there’s this guy or girl that is smart and beautiful and put together, and he realizes just what a useless mess Dean is? What if Cas, his Cas, the one standing here just now and thinking Dean’s worth his time, doesn’t come back?

So yeah, Dean’s freaked, but he’s sure as hell not gonna show it, much less say anything about it, so when the time comes he avoids Cas’ eyes and busies himself with making him look presentable because you kind of have to look professional and not bedraggled on these trips, right? And he thinks he’s being discreet, only Cas knows him, knows that when Dean doesn’t look back at him something is wrong, only Cas can’t puzzle out what. From the looks of things Dean doesn’t want to tell him, so a simple “what is it?” won’t help and since the taxi coming to take him to the airport will be here in under ten minutes he doesn’t have the time to pry it out of him.

So he does the only thing that comes to mind: when Dean steps back after having buttoned up Cas’ shirt, straightened and tightened Cas’ tie, Cas thanks him and cups his face and kisses him. And keeps kissing him, putting everything he feels into it - his burgeoning love and his worry and his gratefulness because Dean always helps him put himself together, and his ache because oh, he’s going to miss him so much this week - until Dean gets lost in it and returns the kiss.

They only part seven minutes later, when the taxi arrives, and Dean’s good work is completely ruined - Cas’ tie is askew and flipped over, his shirt rumpled and half-untucked, his coat almost falling off one shoulder, his hair ruffled and his lips a violent pink - but it’s all worth it for the besotted smile Dean gives him when he sees him out the door, for the warm, kind of dazed look in his eyes.

Now Cas could use the taxi ride to straighten his clothes, but all he does is start plotting what he’ll do when he comes back to see that smile again - first thing being going through one interminable week…


	10. Destiel - Environmental Activism!AU

AU where Cas is an environmental activist and Dean is an engineer working in a team trying to come up with technology for electric cars that would both be efficient and affordable for everyone – but when they meet for the first time (through Sam) all Cas hears is that Dean works for a car manufacturing company, which in his eyes competes with Monsanto and SucroCorp for the Devil’s throne, and he immediately puts him down as a grade A-asshole.

Cue to Cas being all righteous and passive-aggressive and snarky and Dean coming out of the evening thinking Cas is the biggest, most stuck-up condescending dick he’s ever met and Sam being confused because normally Cas is the _sweetest_ guy, splurging on bee trinkets and crying in front of stray dogs.

Jess theorizes it’s all UST (well, she’s not entirely wrong) and decides to conduct an experiment (she might or might not be spending too much time in her lab): put them in each other’s presence as often as possible and see what happens (read: how long it takes for them to give in). Sam is on board because he’s whipped.

Cue to a certain amount of very uncomfortable months for both Dean and Cas’ friends, where poor Charlie and Rachel and Benny and Hannah and Victor and Balthazar hear nothing but complaints about what a douchebag that guy is and what is even his problem!? Until Jess’ experiment works (because of course it does).

(And then it’s even _worse_ , because then all poor Charlie and Rachel and Benny and Hannah and Victor and Balthazar hear is how smart/cute/caring/hot/environmentally responsible their boyfriend is, can you believe it, how could I be so wrong? He’s just _so_ – "Oh my god, just shut _up_.")


	11. Destiel - Dark Angel!AU

[Inspired by the TV-Series _Dark Angel_ \- with Sammy as a bonus)]

\- - -

2Y5 as one of the science experiment kids, one of the best actually, quick, smart, efficient, a deadly hunter, an obedient soldier, who never questions his orders and never wonders about the outside world - the perfect weapon, the very result the program was aiming for.

Except for one thing, that no one could have foreseen:

Since he’s so good, an example really, they have him training the younger kids. And for some reason - maybe for no reason at all, except for the fact that you can’t entirely root out a person’s humanity no matter how hard you try - he forms a special attachement to one of them. 80Q3 is brilliant too, shows great promise too, if not for one little yet terrible fact: he gets seizures, seizures that keep growing more frequent, more violent. And both he and 2Y5 know what that means.

And that’s probably why, despite his potential, 80Q3 _isn’t_ the perfect soldier. Confronted to his defects, he questions the institution that engineered him but failed and will make him pay for it; he distrusts what they’re being taught; he thinks about the outside world where people don’t have to be perfect; he reflects about himself and decides that he’s human, that he’s a person. He gives himself a name, Sam, and no matter what they do to him, even if they kill him, they can’t take that away from him. And that’s enough, for him.

Not for 2Y5.

2Y5, who's watched more than one of his comrades, teammates, bunkmates being dragged away, never to come back, without a blink; but when it comes to 80Q3 - oh, yeah, sorry, _Sam_ -, the mere thought of that happening is unbearable.

So he makes a plan: he’ll get 80- _Sam_ out of the center, into the world. That way, Sam will have a life, far away but a life still, with all the other unperfect people. With his defect, he’ll fit right in for sure.

It’s no easy feat, sneaking him out of the center, trying to bring him to where other people live. But he succeeds - of course he succeeds, he’s the best, he’s trusted, and he’s determined. His plan is perfect.

Except for one detail.

After getting Sam to other people, 2Y5′s plan was to return to the center, go back to the usual.

It’s only after the alarm has been rung, after soldiers - his trainers, his teammates, his comrades - have come after them, after they’ve been shot at from the sky with no hesitation, with the obvious intent to hurt and maim and even kill, after they’ve hidden and cowered for months, after they’ve gone underground in the largest, remotest city they could find, lost in the crowd, that he realizes that that won’t be possible. That that digression, that single act of disobedience on his flawless record, is enough to brand him as defective too, and lead to his downfall.

He broke ranks. If he comes back, he’ll be killed.

He’s surprised, then not, that Sam isn’t caught off-guard by that at all. Because Sam knew. And he almost said something, almost protested when 2Y5 told him about his plan - only to stop. Because he loves 2Y5 too. Because 2Y5 deserves a better life than the one he has at the center, no matter how praised he was there. He deserves to be human, to be treated as such, and not as a soldier or a machine, he deserves to be free. So Sam went along with the escape - and now he’ll stay at 2Y5′s side, and make sure that his transition to normal life goes as smoothly as possible, and show him that no matter how much he feels he’s just lost (stability, familiarity, purpose), what he’s just gained is _so much more_.

Starting with a name.

They’re sitting in a damp room underground, a squat, only a crumbling wall away from the sewers, when 2Y5 says: “I can never go back.”

Like he’s just realized all over again and yet for the first time what that really means.

“No,” Sam says, and puts a hand on his shoulder. 2Y5 remains tense, but doesn’t move away.

After a whole minute passes in silence, Sam adds: “You’ll need a name.”

“I don’t know any names,” 2Y5 replies. Up until now, his life has been nothing but bar codes and ranks and reference numbers, after all.

Sam doesn’t know many either - his own he got from eavesdropping on the nurses and guards while recovering in the infirmary, when they thought him asleep and forgot his presence and started to talk about their life outside. He racks his brain, looks around, looks for a clue - but there isn’t much: cans on the ground, wet bits of paper, scraps of clothing, some posters on the walls. They’re old, soaked through, torn in places, a bit faded. But on one of them you can still make out a young man, with blond hair and a red jacket, and words, bits and pieces: _Ja— Dean_ , and underneath: _Rebe- witho– a caus-_.

Sam smiles.

“You can be Dean,” he says.

“… Dean,” 2Y5 repeats after a while. “Dean,” he says again, firmer, testing the name on his tongue. He lets out a shaky breath.

He is, Sam realizes for the first time, terrified. But still, he says:

“Okay.”

\- - -

And then years down the road, five years, ten years, after they’ve successfully adapted to the world, learned how to melt into the crowd, how to fit in, how to stay vigilant without it preventing them from having a life, after they’ve settled, Sam’ll start looking: looking for the paper trail, for the origins of the center they came from, for the how and the why.

That’s how they meet Castiel. Castiel, who chain-smokes and never combs his hair and wears threadbare shirts and never shaves properly, who has nothing but bitter words about their society and the upper class and the government, but who is also a keen, watchful eye, who digs quick and deep and unnoticed until it’s too late and he’s uncovered the failures and crimes of the system for all the world to see.

Sam doesn’t tell him who - what - he and Dean are, of course. He chooses a more discreet approach. He makes himself known as an informant, becomes one of Cas’s collaborators, uses his smarts and abilities to find proof and make connections to be noticed, chosen, relied on. He bids his time, waiting for the moment when he’ll be completely in, entirely trusted - and when it won’t be suspicious for him to point out an anomaly he’s still looking for: unexplained expanses in the military budget, missing paperworks, state facilities with no or strange official uses, something he’d have ‘stumbled on by chance’ while looking for something else. And so he’ll unleash Cas and his team on that project that birthed him and Dean, but of which he has found no trace, has heard no word up until now.

It’ll take time. But he’s patient, and he knows that, in time, he’ll have his answers.

\- - -

And Dean - Dean who has guided and followed Sam ever since he gave him his name, who contributes to the work of Cas’ team by being the one to go undercover and do all the infiltration work to steal documents and strategic pieces of information, Dean whose cover story is that he’s been in the army (special ops, but is it that far from the truth?), Dean who after all these years has finally found his bearings and gotten a better grasp of who he is - Dean grows so confused all over again, and for a stupid reason.

He grew up in a center engineering perfection, and he knows, for having been told so over and over again, that he himself is the closest thing to it. And yet here there is this guy, Cas, with his messy hair and his gravelly voice - destroyed by years of smoking and drinking and breathing in the city’s polluted air -, with his stained fingers and his perpetual scowl, and he’s so _fascinating_. So perfect, not despite but _because_ of his imperfections. So smart, growing suspicious and making connections and understanding implications and knowing where to look how and when - so much so that Dean, still very much a beginner when it comes to how the world works, can barely keep up half the time, despite his genetically enhanced brain. He's so strong too, knowsg how to fight with a knife, with his words, with everything he has, and he never gives up - and at the same time he's so fragile. Dean knows - he always knows, with everyone he meets here - that he could kill Cas with a flick of his hands. That the game Sam is playing is putting him in serious danger, without him being quite aware of it. (He thinks he knows what he’s getting into, but he doesn’t, he really doesn’t. He doesn’t even realize how deep he already is.) And Dean has never been so… so gobsmacked, so struck by anyone before, and he should step away, get some distance, only he can’t, and it’s all so goddamn _distracting_.

(And _damn it_ , Cas thinks while he opens the files Dean downloaded on a USB stick during his last infiltration, Dean’s ability to infiltrate any building, to crack any server or code or software, to walk in and out unnoticed, bringing back what they need without fail, like it’s nothing, like it’s _easy_ , that _really_ shouldn’t turn him on. Not that much. Not that often.

And it’s not even the worst. The worst is this: right now the closest members of his team are all sitting on the couch behind him, Dean and Sam and Charlie and Kevin and Hannah, eating pizza. Dean’s ribbing his younger brother about how he stuttered in front of the delivery girl, all tease and fondness and brotherly affection - and without looking Cas knows the exact curve of his boyish smile, the exact shade of his glinting eyes. His skin prickles with Dean’s warmth, his ears hone in on Dean’s voice and laughter, like he’s the only person in the room, or the only one worth noticing. The worst is that underneath all this, under the freckles and the wide shoulders and the bow legs, there is such a large heart, such a caring soul - a soul so bright, so beautiful, Cas didn’t know the likes of it could exist in such a rotten world, only it _does_. It does, since there is Dean. And-

And _damn it_ , now is not the _time_ , Cas, you _cretin_. Eyes on the mission. Fuck, this is one distraction he certainly doesn’t need…)


	12. Destiel - Teddy Bear Doctor!AU

AU where Dean’s a firefighter, who moonlights as a teddy bear doctor.

If you ask he’ll be the first to tell you he has no idea how it happened. Only he totally knows, because he’ll never forget that night. He’ll never forget that fire, and the woman who almost died, and the boy who kept calling for her, the fear of losing her surpassing the pain from his third-degree burns. He’ll never forget the bear he found when they finally stopped the fire, small and cute and obviously well-loved, lying half-charred on the ground. He’ll never forget picking it up, and somehow finding it again in his locker the following day, and deciding to try and repair it. He’ll never forget the look on the kid’s face when, weeks later, he brought it to him in the hospital, a little worse for wear but still sitting and squishy – it had been the first time he’d smiled since the fire, his mother had said.

He’ll never forget meeting Cas.

Now it’s become a thing, so much so that Charlie has set up a website for him, and that some of his colleagues help out – Garth was the first, Benny followed a reluctant second, and before Dean knew it it had become that thing they do to keep busy on quiet nights, in the hours between calls.

He knows that Cas – Dr. Novak to his patients – is partly responsible, because a lot of Dean’s fluffy patients come with his recommendation.

(What he doesn’t see is the look Cas gets whenever he talks about his husband, the teddy bear doctor. What he doesn’t know is just how many hearts have melted, and how many more have broken upon hearing that Dr. Novak is married – and upon hearing to _whom_ he’s married, because of course, _of fudging course_ , he’d be married to a fudging firefighter who _repairs teddy bears in his free time_.

No, Dean doesn’t know about those. He’s only ever been privvy to the wistful sighs from people whom he’s saved and who, loopy from the drugs on the way to the hospital, ask if their savior is single by any chance – only to learn that he’s not; that of course, of freaking course, he’s married, and married to a freaking _doctor_.)


	13. Destiel - Pokemon GO!AU

Pokemon Go!AU where 11 year old Sammy comes home with his Kicked-Puppy-Look™ because the bullies at school made fun of him and told him that he’d never become a Pokemon master, so 15 year old Dean blows all his painstakingly gathered savings to get Sammy a compatible phone bc he knows that, given the chance, Sammy will _totally_ become the best Pokemon trainer ever and crush those cretins until they cry.

Except that then he has to trail after Sammy all over Lawrence because he _knows_ him and how oblivious to his surroundings he gets when he focuses on something, and he sure won’t become the best Pokemon master ever if he gets flattened by a bus crossing the road without looking both ways. But Dean won’t complain, because he’s been trying to drag Sammy away from his books and outside for how long now? So yeah, he’ll just have to perfect the art of strolling after him looking blasé and long-suffering and _cool_.

And it _works_ \- like his rep goes up (not that it needed the boost, thank you very much) and Sammy is running around and actually getting a tan and meeting other trainers and even making friends.

The weirdest thing, though, is how they also keep running into this guy Dean’s age, which Dean ~~totally~~ kinda recognizes from their football team games against Lawrence Free State High School because he’s the quarterback and is ~~sooo pretty~~ pretty good so Dean ~~totally has a crush on him~~ now clearly sees how much their own quarterback sucks. And that’s totally weird, because Novak’s always lurking where the Pokemons are but he’s definitely too cool to be out chasing after mishapen manga monsters, right?

Right.

And _even weirder_ is how after a while Novak tries to strike up conversations with _Dean_. Like:

“It’s nice of you to accompany your brother on his quest.” (Like this is some King Arthur Quest for the Holy Grail level shit and not dumb stumbling around with your phone brandished in front of you like you need GPS to not get lost walking through the park.)

and:

“You’re part of the cheerleading squad at LHS, aren’t you?” (Like Novak knows Dean, like he's noticed him and how he’s definitely the One True Hot Cheerleader™ around here - and _oh my God_ has Dean’s time _finally come_?)

and:

“Nice weather we’re having today.” (Like he’s scrambling for a topic of conversation and awkward and dorky and lame and surely _Novak_ can’t be nervous about talking to _Dean_ , can he?)

And somehow in between his own stilted answers (he’s being _cool_ , okay, he’s not rendered near mute by Novak’s sheer proximity) Dean never goes about to asking him what exactly he’s doing here.

(And then Dean catches him trying to climb over their fence to break into their backgarden. Dean totally knows, from Sam’s gleeful gushing and inviting all of his new friends over for private hunts, that their yard is rife with Oddish, which you can’t find anywhere else in Lawrence. So Novak’s cover is totally blown, and he knows it, and he’s now redder than a tomato. Yet for some reason the excuse he comes up with is: “I wanted to see you,” like this is some crap cliche teen movie from the 80′s.

But you know what? Dean’ll take it.

He’ll take the makeout session on his bed too.)


	14. Stucky - Actual Disney Princess!Steve

AU in which Steve is an Actual Disney Princess™, friend to all animals (which he can talk to and sing with) and Bucky is the Bravest Soldier of the Winter Countries who falls in love with him at first sight at the Stark ball and who tries to court him – except that the animals Steve is best friend with aren’t, like, cute bunnies and does and doves, nooo, of course not, somehow they’re _birds of prey_ and _poisonous spiders_ and _giant black cats_ and _giant goats_ and is that a _green troll_? And they’re all _assholes_ , especially to any of Steve’s potential suitors because None Of Them Are Worthy, and so they keep thwarting Bucky’s (poor) attempts at wooing.

(Poor, because of cultural disconnect: contrary to the bellicose Winter Countries the Kingdom of Brooklyn thrives on peace and freedom and justice – also: kittens, rainbows and sunshine – and while it _does_ have an army, it’s mostly there as a dissuasive, defensive presence. So Bucky’s bloodily trashing all his opponents during the tournament as an attempt to Show Off His Strength And Worth doesn’t really work out in his favor.)

But Bucky’s too damn ~~stubborn~~ in love to give up that easily.

Then of course Steve gets kidnapped by the Evil Red Skull, who wants to take over his kingdom (which shares a border with his), so of course Bucky wants to rescue him to Prove Himself And His Love – except that Steve’s asshole friends have the same idea, and _no way_ they’ll let _him_ show them up. And _no way_ Bucky is going to let _them_ get there first. So they kinda try to maybe ~~kill~~ incapacitate each other a lot – until they realize that, if it goes on like this, no one is going to save Steve. So – after a long _long_ time – they broker ~~a shaky truce~~ an alliance (gasp) and start working together (ew) to try and get him back.

Lots of bickering and squabbling ensues.

(Of course, when they finally reach the castle of the Evil Red Skull, they find the man already passed out because Steve punched him in the face, and Steve totally could’ve escaped on his own, only then he got distracted lecturing the Red Skull’s underlings about not being dicks and helping the people of the city, who were quite miserable.

He totally gets elected king in the Red Skull’s stead, and by then Bucky has proven himself enough for Steve’s friends to tolerate, and subsequently laugh at, his attempts to seduce Steve – if Steve ever realizes his new friend’s super weird habits and actions are meant to be, you know, ~romantic.)


	15. Stucky - Brooklyn Nine-Nine!AU

Avengers/Captain America cop!AU where Steve Rogers is the youngest Police Captain to ever Captain (which makes everyone at the precinct wonder what series of stupidly heroic acts he committed to get there, but doesn’t make them any less respectful, because he’s good and most of all he’s replacing That Asshole Pierce after the Oh So Tragic incident that took the man’s life) and Bucky Barnes is his long-suffering Sergeant (who makes sure that anyone who doesn’t listen to Rogers or even looks at him the wrong way quickly stops and cowers because he’s downright terrifying when he wants to be and can shoot through a penny from a hundred yards away) and together they run the best police precinct in all of Brooklyn (or even of the whole NYPD).

Which is kind of surprising, given that their officers spend most of their time betting on whether their Captain and Sergeant are fucking.

(Or, since they’re Detectives And As Such Can _Detect_ Things, on _how long_ they’ve been fucking. And on whether they’ve done it in the Captain’s office; or, since they’re Detectives And Therefore Know Better, _how many times_ they’ve fucked in the Captain’s office.)

And since they’re, you know, Detectives And Overconfident In Their Ability To Sniff Out The Truth, every side in the betting pool is convinced that they’re right. So much so that the stakes have gotten ridiculously high, and keep on rising (especially on Stark’s end, but at the same time he can easily afford it, being so loaded that people frequently wonder why he even bothers to work, and especially work in forensics).

\- - -

In the end, Sam’s posit that “Oh yeah, they’re fucking - but I’d rather say _making love_ because it’s definitely more than just sex”, which everyone laughed at at first, ends up being the one closest to the truth, making him the (contested) winner. Because let’s be honest, in any modern day ‘verse where they’ve know each other forever, Steve and Bucky have totally been together forever too and got married the second it became legal.

\- - -

“Romanov!” Stark exclaims the next time he sees her. She’s the only one at the precinct who didn’t take part in the bet, and he therefore feels obligated to keep her regularly updated on its latest developments, despite her threatening bodily harm every time he does. “Rogers and Barnes are married! Would you believe that?!”

Romanov stares at him. “… Yes. They are,” she finally says. Slowly. Like it should be obvious.

Stark blinks. “Wait, you _knew_?”

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Since they got married.” She pauses. “Five years ago.”

“ _How_?” Five years ago they didn’t even _know_ Rogers existed.

“There was an article on it in the newspaper.”

“What?”

“You’re all terrible detectives, by the way.”

“ _What_?”

\- - -

Meanwhile, in the Captain’s office, Rogers is trying to look over a file Barnes just handed over to him. The key word being ‘trying to’. The office is even more rowdy than usual, which is saying something given that it’s a police precinct in Brooklyn.

“What’s happening out there?” he finally asks, the fifth time the rising commotion has made him look up.

Barnes, who has been there longer and has a desk in the main room instead of in a separate office and most of all _knows_ his coworkers (which means that yes, he knows all about The Bet since it was made and has been quietly laughing about it ever since), drawls a reply: “Trust me, Cap, you definitely don’t wanna know.”


End file.
